ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
did i walk over a car last night?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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