Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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