So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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