Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
