hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
