Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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