I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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