I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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