God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
