i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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