He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
