So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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