I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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