just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
