It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
