I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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