Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
