i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
