Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
