I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
