My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
