Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
