Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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