I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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