we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
