Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
