So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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