she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
