i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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