you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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