She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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