The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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