R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just found a bag of teeth...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
