I'm going to jail i love you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
