either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
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No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
PS: I just woke up from my shower
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Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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