I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
