the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
