Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
