she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
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He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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