My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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