i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize