I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
