i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
