my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
