under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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