PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
