Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
