Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
