There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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