He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
