Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
