Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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