Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
