Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
