You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
