do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
