You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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