i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss