whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
