I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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