The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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