He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
