You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
