I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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