it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
