I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
