the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
