i can't believe i had my finger in that
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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