Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
